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Madness
'But we do not have to think that human nature is perfect for us to still believe that the human condition can be perfected. We do not have to live in an idealized world to still reach for those ideals that will make it a better place.' - Obama
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Narcissism
Yellow flower in the field |
Monsters
layout by: eight-fishies very much inspired by: rearrange |
Saturday, November 29, 2008
7:49 AM
dear blogger, she pisses me off, everything that she does. & i'm still a little girl inside! therefore, i'm always right! she's an extra banana. really. YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME, BLOGGER! YOU HAVE TO. YOUR LIFE'S AT STAKE, BABY! muahahahahaha. 7:30 AM
So let Your name be lifted higher, Be lifted higher, Be lifted higher! 7:16 AM
i keep thinking my sisters are coming back tomorrow = i can go to the airport to fetch my elder sister! it's so exciting! i love the airport <3 & when my darling sister comes back, i'll go, 'MY BABY! GROW SO OLD ALREADY AH? AIYOOO' & look for the things she bought for..ME :D i'm so sleepy. i suspect that the pillow on my bed isn't mine! cos i can't sleep with wrong pillows. & the one on my sister's bed is mine, cos i slept on her bed yesterday & it was damn shuang <3 shopping is tiring, i've got blister look-alikes. (like how flies look alike) i'm thirsy half the time, but refuse to drink water. i get hungry but forget about it when i see shops :D i get disappointed really easily. shopping makes me nauseous. i want to be a normal child. I'M THIRSTY! ONE DAY, I'M GONNA INSERT A PORTABLE TUBE IN ME & I WON'T BE THIRSTY ANYMORE. when i grow up, i want to be a... mind your own business. terrorists are sick people. i hope they all die from heart attacks. like, their hearts explode within them, since they like explosions so much! hmph. nobody seems to really care about what's really happening to the world, cos we don't see it directly affecting us. we are aware that, indirectly we're going to be affected, but choose to close an eye & ignore these factors. what does this help? others may feel that as an individual, they are not capable of actually helping out, but they are wrong! aid, food, water, etc. all these essentials are being continuously seeked by many less fortunate people, we know, yet we choose not to know; UGLY PEOPLE LIKE US! ta's! prayer Friday, November 28, 2008
7:22 AM
terrorists; people who are brainwashed by machines. they ought to be the ones dying. who are they to choose lives? suicidal toots; people who like dying. they're brainless, too many hearts within them. why can't they get the fact that they aren't cats (they don't have 9 lives) into their head? chikopehs; people who like to touch never touch before meh? BUTTER FINGERS, GOT HEAR BEFORE? protesters; people who...protest! they have nothing better to do, so they go against the government & hog airports. BE GUAIKIAS, CHILDRENNNN! robbers; STUPID PEOPLE! DON'T STEAL SWEATERS! DON'T. DON'T. DON'T. BAD DOG! what's happening to the world? it's everywhere, anywhere. i'm lonely at home, with both my siblings gone. my dad tried telling me that i've still got my parents & i went, 'BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!' i try to stay out for as long as possible, except during the night when thefollowingabove lurk in the..forest. it's really boring & sad & no, i won't fall into depression & lonely & dry & boring & sad & lonely. yea! that's how bad it is. i repeat myself, cos i haven't been having any intellectual conversations lately, my vocabulary bank is shutting down with the recession O_O I'M GONNA BE LIKE CHARLIE GORDON! I'M GONNA BE STUPID O_O oh, & i've been talking to myself lately. it's scary. for a moment, i was wondering if i overdid it & i'd grow up into a..retard? or something. it's really sad. i've been singing to myself; in toilets, on the computer, along the street, in mrts/lrts/buses, to my phone & to my missing sweater. & talking anywhere, everywhere, over there & over here. ANYBODY DYING? PLEASE DIAL MY NUMBER FOR YOUR TRUSTY HELPER? & A NICE PERSON TO TALK TO? crap, you can't call. cos i've got a schedule to follow & you earthly people will lag me! everyday, i'm resisting the urge to spend money ]: i look forward to tomorrow. haven't been in church for a while. feeling pretty lost. it use to be: husband + wife = baby now it's: boyfriend + girlfriend = abortion/ dead baby ta's! TALK TO ME, TELL ME YOUR NAME. i am going to die at this rate & if i really do ask sean to come for my funeral please thanks 7:14 AM
tag replies (after a thousand & one year, 7 months, 7 hours, 7 seconds & 7 milisenconds!) the weasel --> write me more poem-y thingys <3> I'LL SLAP YOU IF YOU SAY YOU WANT NICK -glaress- mineminemine. & I SAW HIM ON...WEDNESDAY IN HCI! we walked together, lol. melissa --> tell me 'bout the show! tell me it rocks! HAHAHHA. & make elisa jealous :D eliz --> & i didn't know you have a speech dificiency, lizzie...someone was mumbling when i called her. MAYBE THE DETIST GAVE YOU 'SPECIAL IMPLANTS!' lol. MARISSA --> lol. i will find out one day & present him to you. & you'll be like O_O OH, THAT ONE AHHH! SOMETHIG LIKE THAT, hhahahhah. yukiko --> O_O cucumbers only look wrong to you, lady! hahahaha. i dreamt of you with short hair laaa! GO CUT YOUR HAIR, it'll be a dream come true. shortshort like me :D hahahahha. -.- CIP forms are important, girly! you ahh -.- elisa has been 2-timing you! SHE LOVES NICK -.-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! curbers --> apples & turkeys &...stuffings. tell me abuot them! the world's gone pretty mad, at least that's how i see it, & yuo're turkey-ing away! HAHAHAHHA. come back, baby! that's all folks! Tuesday, November 25, 2008
8:35 PM
it's a new secret between you & me. today, i've learnt many things. there's a cucumber monster living in my house, just that i don't know where it's hiding. i've got my book with me & a pencil, it just means so much. you don't have to communicate with someone to keep in touch, cos you know that the other party's waiting for you. it's about placing your faith to the other side, knowing that it's all taken care of. it's an unspoken secret living in you & me. sometimes you find happiness in yourself. things need not necessarily happen & you just smile; strange but true. today, i've found happiness within. it's the kinda happiness that's to it's limits, yet calm & peaceful. ta's! to seek, to seek, to find what's within. 4:02 AM
it's what's within within within within what's in you? 3:55 AM
all screwed up. what's wrong with me? I've been wrong. what 'bout you? it's painful, isn't it? I wanna get back To how i use to be. Way back; Back then... When i only saw Me Only saw Me Just Me. Why? tell me once again about fairytales & myths. one too old, one far younger. you see the contrast once again. once again, once again. & every time you look at this contrast you feel breathlessness engulf you, while i close my eyes. Sunday, November 23, 2008
8:02 PM
she will rest forever. spelled: v-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e (very) 7:58 PM
i threw away my handphone pouch. i lost my sweater. i got 'commented' on. i'm falling sick. i just scratch the bottom of my foot with don't know what & it hurts! i'm feeling damn dizzy. i woke up really late this morning. i'm aching all over & my arm hurts. i've got training later. somebody please pull me out from this black hole that's sucking me up. ta's! i'm taking every risk Saturday, November 22, 2008
4:09 AM
wellwell, shouldn't i be glad that the tournament's finally over or what? you know what? i shouldn't have went in the first place. no, not because i didn't win or whatever crap, i'm not a petty sore-loser! i don't need to care about what people think about me, the way i dress, the way i am! seriously. the world loves to assume, sometimes it's a subconscious thing. BUT DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S BAD? yea, bad! the ouch kinda bad. i'm glad it's over. yet i'm not. i'll stay at home & grow fat for the rest of my life for all i care! big deal. i threw away my handphone pouch, bad enough, isn't it? just flingflangflung it into the coro dustbin with a receipt. guess what? i 'threw' away my sweater yesterday, splendid? marvelous? professional? yes. well, i got out of the car & apparently, it fell onto the road. & when i realised that a gazillion hours later, it wasn't there anymore. some fortunate person took it -.- (leaving me very unfortunate) & yea, i was bloddy sad, i tell you! it's stupid! everything is slowly going to be thrown away from me, by me. soon. & hotmail hates me too! i wish i could just throw it away as well. i'm so mad. i'm suppose to be happy. i'm becoming somebody else. my ringtone keeps ringing in my ear continuously. it's so noisy. my nails are still blue, nobody seems to like them, but i do. you know what? heck! i'm angry at what people think. i'm angry. so angry. i shouldn't be. i'm angry. i don't like feeling angry. but i'm angry. i hate chess people. not all of them. most of them. they are mean people who like to infer. they should do comprehensions instead. to increase their knowledge for all i care. afterall. they're... chess people. hotmail's finally loved me. yes, i need showers of love & concern. ta's! I HATE YOU! Wednesday, November 19, 2008
6:12 AM
i'm so tired, everywhere! upstairs, downstairs. inside, outside. miss you, sweetie ]: Monday, November 17, 2008
8:32 PM
oh, btw! picnic with jjeermss was great <3 will post about it some other time. it's so annoying when you fingernails get stuck in the keyboard! i'm reading The Sisterhoof of the Traveling Pants for the third time, it thrills me! the movie's even better! miss the little juniors, & i wanna go for Mr Lim's wedding -.- but noo, i can't! cos i've got competition. chess has been eating away all my fun, seriously! i can't attend the wedding, one week's worth of training = 8 trainings & youth camp. what's gonna happen to my social life? O_O gasps. ta's! bah-bah black sheeeeep! 2:01 AM
nyps track camp <3 amazing race the first night. 'i shouldn't be here' -quote, unquote..ERIZA! old parliament building, war memorial, mount faber, cable car, labrador park. i got bullied in the cable car by small little boys! they went to beat me up. they taught me how to burp. we washed the cable car (by dripping water out of it). we screamed our lungs out for the fun of it. we took pictures. the toilet had a splendid view! haha. we had kaya toast for dinner, like 80 pieces in total. it was so retarded. we climbed the hill & screamed :D we sweat! we walked to labrador park. some loser group tagged along & got there faster in the end. everyone was angry. everyone was running. people were lagging. elizabeth didn't want to hold my hand & she was running around. & i was running around after her like some chicken -.- we arrived the 3rd last. eriza's group never did reach! hahahaha. 2nd day. cycling, 26km. joerin & eriza are L-plate cyclers. joerin doesn't know how to use the brakes, cos they're like weird things sticking out from the handle! joerin freaks out when people cycle behind, beside, infront of her. joerin thinks bicycle bells are useless cos it's way easier when you shout. joerin crashed 4 times & got scolded twice! joerin thinks cycling is like driving, THAT HARD! joerin loves cycling. alright, it was really tiring. my arms were all sore yesterday & my wrist still hurts! i mean, it's not my fault i grabbed the handle so tight, i feel safer, okee! haha. at least i didn't get blisters :D lunch was nice! haha. satay's nice! came back to school. tennis, soccer! i kicked..5 people. i can count :D LOL. sherwin, chonghon, chongaik(?), zongrui, marcus. 'LOL. why so pain? she friendly kick only what!' -grabs foot- 'BUT HER FRIENDLY KICK DAMN PAIN SIA!' hahahah, i think it's damn funny. BBQ. marcus is a nice junior who gets us our food efficiently <3 NICK GAVE US A PLATE OF SATAY! hahah. chonghon is a bad junior who doesn't cook prawns & crayfishes properly -.- TONGTONG CAME :D she cut her hair like WOAH! but it's cool la! candle game @ night. waxy-waxy, painpain! 3rd day. toothpick-rubberband game! super funny! eriza, yukiko, tongtong & i <3 we started laughing when our faces came close, so we ended up picking up the rubber band & putting it on the other person's picky! LOL. it's super funny. left while they were having wet games ]: (apparently, they had alot of fun -.- YES, ERIZA? lol.) RUSHRUSHRUSH. WALKWALKWALK. SWEATSWEATSWEAT. latelatelate. for class. whinewhinewhine. later that evening. last day of s'pore biennale! it was great <3 esp the one at the old parliament house, or whatever that place's called. i saw this super gross painting, but the more you look at it, the more you read it & i don't know, i just felt really sad after that. it's just some picture of some animal's head being carrie by two hands &..yea it's gross la! but..i don't know, it evoked a sense of sadness within me la. anw, the art works there are great :D best quote of the day, 'I DON'T PERSPIRE, I'M NOT AN ANIMAL! I SWEAT!' ta's! tomorrow's yesterday's the today i face. Wednesday, November 12, 2008
5:18 AM
we'll start with today & backwards. I'M SO TIRED! we did hill run for school training. under the risk of being killed or poisoned to death by toxins from our everywhere! I'M SO TIRED! & then coach's training was @ Bishan <3 i loveee Bishan! it was raining. sadly, there wasn't a thunderstorm YET. coach was figuring out why his comp didn't have Chinese -.- (he later found out it was cos he didn't install it at all!) & we did strengthening until our legs vibrated & vibrated & vibrated! it's cool la, cos you don't exactly feel tired but your legs keep vibrating, so you can't stand still. & when we came home, it POURED! with lightning & thunder & all. i tell you, it's lovely! it's been ages since it boomboomboom-ed so nicely! & I'M SO TIRED! okee. backtrack! yesterday, was the most malu day ever! don't ask me why i eat satay the most unglam way, but that's how i eat it. & i didn't know there would be some scary guy staring at me while i was unglam-ly eating satay! & when i saw him, i was all O_O -turn around!- & there was this malay guy in the bus staring & smiling at me & i just got off the bus. & he was all smiley & gay! it's so..weirddd! okee. backtrack somemore! monday, track chalet! we had amazing race & my team came 4th overall, but we reached first, okee! & eriza's team was 1st -.- so she got a free ticket to wildwildwet (WWW). hmph. my pumps were all sandy & it still stank yesterday, so..it made my whole feet stink ]: & we went to WWW. it was a truckload of fun, i tell you! & i can't float for nutts -.- & i tell you, it was fun la! Escape doesn't open on weekdays -.- i seriously wonder how they ever earn money la! cheat my feelings! (eriza! go pick up my hearty pieces again! hahaha.) & OMG, JEAN & I JUMPED INTO THE POOL @ THE CHALET & GOT SCOLDED BY THE LIFEGUARD! (cos we still had our shirts one -.-) but we were laughing all the way! it's seriously fun :D just that lifeguards tend to be kinda paranoid, cos it's so boring in the chalet! like boring till your eyes bleed kinda boring! & we wanted to kop food from people, but we were busy freaking out cos we were still wet from WWW & there were people in skinny jeans = NONONOOOOO! so we ended up borrowing tissue paper from some random group of people, ahahha :D but it's fun, alright! sunday, track chalet. we had this retarded performance, but it was kinda nice...BUT REALLY VERY RETARDED, I TELL YOU AHH! & we all started dancing out the chalet & there was a Ghost House which was super creepy & we were trying to get rid of our 3 otahs, but nobody wanted it ]: --- everywhere! i tell you, EVERYWHERE. there're kids smoking! seriously, what has become of the world today. so many people smoke in the East & like, nobody smokes in the West. I LOVE THE WEST! hahaha. --- another issue that came to my concern. yesterday there was this guy on the newspaper who robbed a bank, i bet ya'll know about it. what he said to the counter person was, 'don't be a hero, i'm desperate!' but have you wondered what's the cause of this desperation? it's the recession! maybe S'pore hasn't been badly hit & shaken the place upside down of it's cash or something, but the poor are like..WA PIANG! GOING TO DIE AH! & like, most of us aren't even aware of it! it's damn sad. but yea la, it's the guy's fault to rob cos it's illegal, it's a crime! but have you wondered about the reason? maybe he had a family to feed, maybe someone was ill..i mean, you never know! majority of us look at the newspapers & go, 'OH, BAD GUY LOR!' but..the way i see it it's like, it's not totally his fault! somehow, i don't know how to explain it or what, but..yea la! i just think it's damn sad la! & there was some hurricane hitting some place yesterday too! i feel like i'm living in a lie! i don't experience or know into minute details how it's like, how it feels. but we all read in books & newspapers & we treat it like, storybooks! BUT DON'T YOU KNOW THESE 'STORYBOOKS' THAT YOU READ COME TO LIFE? goshh..there's like so much suffering while..everyone's partying! the irony, i tell you, THE IRONY! tmr's picnic! i await! ta's! I'M SO TIRED! of everything. Saturday, November 08, 2008
7:04 AM
ZOMG! I BANNED UP MY HAIR (howeveryoucallit) & I LOOK SO FEMININE NOW :D a miracle, i tell you, a miracle! everyone looks pretty when they smile! & i look pretty all the time, hahahah! kiddin' ta's! missed you around tonight. LAST NIGHT TOOO! 5:41 AM
i look like a/ the: dumbbell flower with an angry face merlion lion? gorilla banana! O_O cos of my new hair cut -.- i will tie up my hair everywhere i go from now onwards! & i'll bun up my hair for trainings & look like an auntie for the sake of not looking like the following (kindly refer to the above). i hate my head! i love my eyeballs. i hate my new hair cut! i love the fact that hair never stops growing. i hate mirrors! i love my light blue nail polish. i hate it cos i perspire really easily! i love the smell of cookies. i hate base coats, cos after i paint them on, i'm too lazy to paint the Blue! OMG! I JUST REALISE I'M PAINTING IT BLUE! woah :D hahaha. coincidence i swearr! my face is whiter than my arms! tmr's track chalet :D i need to decide what to wear. my hair's...still looks like the following (kindly refer to the above). i'll wait for the day i finally appreciate my hair cut & fall in love/ get use to it. i'll leave everyday in fear & sadness, LOL. ta's! joeline Friday, November 07, 2008
6:10 AM
I love Lucky <3 i like you, don't i? HAHAHAHHA. 5:19 AM
today was the worst to the best! 6.52am -- i got scolded for waking up late (my phone alarm was set to 6.58am, alright!) so my dad decided not to sent me for training & i was on the verge of ponning it! afterall, this whole week's training has seemed so dreadful to me! 7.30am -- *phone rings* i'm called out of bed to quickly change as my dad 's decided to fetch me to S'pore Poly. 7.56am -- dad arrives 8.04am -- off we go! JAMJAMJAMJAMJAMJAMJAM! 8.48am -- SP! i spent my time writing 3 poems & started singing to myself. i love writing! 10.32am -- i'm coming home on my own, cos Daddy's, apparently, still pissed /: sleep. eat. smile. sms. sleep. my left ear hurts! ouchh.. & then i had my other training :D BISHAN <3 IS STILL THE LOVE! after this whole dreadful week with not so fun-filled trainings, today's been a big difference! we did time trials & as usual, Joeline freaks out like omgy! but once it's over, she starts crapping like she always does! coach was talking to me about the trip to HK & bleehblehblah! & all of a sudden... 'Joeline, ask your boyfriend to do his kicks properly!' 'uhh, not mine! you're his coach, you should be doing it!' 'what kind of god-daughter are you?' 'but he's not mine!' 'but he's going to be my god-son-in-law!' 'where got such word one -.-' & our cool down was splendid! we played this word-sentence game! & coach gave us another lecture on mental training (yea, he didn't have to keep looking at me, just cos i was the only one standing up! LOL.) & the 100m auntie was there! apparently, she's 50 this year & still runs her 100ms really fast, so she's called the...100m auntie! haha. sometimes training seems all shitty & boring. sometimes it's crappy & weird! sometimes we don't wanna be in track. sometimes we can't stand it. sometimes we try so hard but fall back to square one. sometimes we wanna give up. but we don't, cos we're strong! i now know, faith without reason. haha! i know so much more today! & i'm pleased, somehow. i think i'm going mad, in a lovely way! & i like the way i feel happy; Right here, Right now! ta's! how do'u manage to do so? Thursday, November 06, 2008
8:55 PM
What is; But a fool of the world An eye without thought, Yet a cry with fear. A moonless night With nothing lit A radiant smile, Today i seek. What more is She, But another me. --- Have I finally allowed you to see; To seek, to seek & find what's within? Have I finally caused moonlight to blink? If Empty engulfs & I hear you breathe, I shan't hear a word. I shan't believe. I shan't look into your eyes, For there's nothing i see. ta's! words. what are they? Wednesday, November 05, 2008
8:57 PM
i just realised that school's over (yea, i know -.- i'm pretty slow to digest that fact) & i'm going to have to grow up; it's such a dread! i remembered when i was a shorty in p1, i couldn't wait to be p6! & tada, i'm so big. & now, i'm growing up again. we keep growing, it's against our will. it's like how time keeps ticking regardless of reason. our youth is the shortest time ever, seemingly. & i'm going to take one step up again! & soon, i'll be a working adult with no time for talking. it's queer how i couldn't wait for EOYs to end when stepped into the school. when i was at the starting line, i saw myself finishing. start of the year how i couldn't stand anybody cos i thought Rafflesians were nothing but a bunch of snobs who tried their best to be someone 'cool' & i didn't wanna turn myself into them cos i was too cool :D haha. & i thought i wouldn't be able to find anybody like me cos i assumed that they just mugged their eyeballs out kinda thing. & all they wanted was to win one another, the whole i-am-your-competitive-competitor thing -.- i mean, i couldn't help thinking that way, could i? back in primary school i was some kinda slacker who managed to cope with everything & anything & even..somehow, seem to excel in certain areas academically. & everywhere we went, we were with trackers! & we'd say hi to everyone & make friends instantly. but who does that in Raffles? people stare at you & i've been kenna-ed stared at before with the wth-do'u-think-you-are look & i'll be giving my smilesmile face + the don't-like-my-face-then-siam-lar look (depending on who the other party is). but when you think about it, there are many people in the world. BTWBTW! I THINK I GREW TALLER! I MEASURED MYSELF AGAINST THE FRIDGE WHEN I OPENED IT! it's cool to grow up, yet it sucks. i can't possibly imagine myself working in an office! i'll be trapped inside there the whole day; i mean, dude! i'm claustrophobic! i'll start ripping my hair out & scratching my face till it bleeds & go, 'SOMEBODY LET ME OUT! PLEASEEE!' eew, scary. let's see what i'm gonna be busy with... 1 track chalet 2 picnic 3 church kiddy's outing 4 youth games 5 chess competition -.- 6 nyps track camp 7 plead with my parents to let me go for youth camp & pon my other chess competition -.- 8 church outing with JEMMERSO (the 'O' stands for Others, haha!) that's about it. then i'll have to officially get myself into the next-year mood &..grow up /: this whole year, people have been asking me to grow up! 'Joeline, can't you just GROW UP?' but, i can't help being a kid, can i? growing up is such a everyday thing, it's gradual & it's complicated cos it invloves so many things, like..becoming wiser, taller, fatter, stress-er, whatever-er, faster! i won't be able to stick my tongue out at people i dislike or burp really loudly or prance around holding hands in public or...laugh so loud. what if people disappear? am i to find new people? i tell you ahh..it's a very hard process to officially grow up. every birthday my parents would ask me to grow up, cos i'd be a big girl! do give me a specific definition of growing up, please. am i not to crap & act like an idiot as & when i please? (dude, i've been scolded for being an idiot for like how many times this year already -.-) i can't wait for x'mas! i don't exactly like CNY cos it's always so hot. & there's x'mas eve too! & CNY eve too! ta's! SPANISH BOYFRIEND! hahahhahahahha. 2:44 AM
Her seven chromes of seven lights, Of her sevenfold power to infinite might. Cast her rays of pearly white, To the creation in sleepless nights. What doth thou see with thy moonlit eyes; Of powers that wane of hope that dies, Of horrid truths in blurred lies. Of the weasel with thee, when the storm arrives. 2:15 AM
everyday's a new miracle - quote, unquote, Eliz. bring joy. bring laughter. bring amusement. bring curiosity. bring astonishment. bring along all you've got. (as i wait) something's wrong with me. i've been screwing up nowadays. trainings have been so different. the attitudes different, the thought of it. i need to change me! i need to see. ta's! you've got me wondering all the time. Tuesday, November 04, 2008
4:50 AM
yes, indeed. it's been haunting me the whole day. i search, yet i find. i cry, yet not a tear falls. i scream, yet no sound is heard. i ask, yet not an answer is audible. what seemingly is; a foolish appearance that kills. a glass beaker sits under a tap. i watch water fill to it's brim. i now watch it spill. i watch it over-flow & now i panic. but my eyes are fixed, i'm stunned for a moment. i stare at it & panic. now i cry. why? is this not only water? why cry? i see so many pictures within the water. each splat showing a picture of one who's life differs greatly from mine. & water keeps spilling, every splat is now dead, lifeless. i see them die down, i see them fall; they look like tears now. thus, i cry. i glanced passed at an accident site today. glass shards on the ground, the window smashed to smithereens. what i saw was much more though. i saw blood. i saw people crying. i saw the ambulance. i heard cries. yet all these things were but what i thought had happened before i was there. yet all these things were but the things i had inferred. but why, such an impact upon me? my life is filled with activities. i see so many people. i observe so many actions. i watch emotions as they are being displayed. yes, a silent observer. ta's! seeker; i seek thee. Monday, November 03, 2008
9:32 PM
Do you hear me, ta's! iLike 9:19 PM
i'm so tired, i'll have to leave the house @ 1.30pm! & i got back @ 12.45pm! I MADE THE CAR KEY :D i'm really happy! but..the problem now's the colour & the chainchain thingy ]: i'll figure out something la (cos i have to, by Sat -.-), haha! it's so scary when we know what reality really is. so close by, it's like how all the shit from the sea drifts towards the shore & no matter how you try to clean the shore, it's still really dirty! cos there are people littering the sea, polluting the water; failed attempts. but no, that doesn't mean that we've got to stop trying, to stop cleaning the beach. otherwise toursits wouldn't come anymore! it's just like how you can't confirm that every single S'porean doesn't eat bubblegum in the country. even right now as i live, i sometimes see my life as a fantasy! cos there are many complications that i have yet to have. in a way, i'm still in my comfort zone, only acknowledging what others suffer, sometimes not even bothering. do you know how close suffering is to you? it's right beside you, it's whether you want to broaden your horizon to actually look at it. & today, i have. i've seen the tears, i've heard the cried, & felt that anger mixed with a tinge of regret. sometimes we ask God why doesn't He help, why is it that when we're in a state of complete destruction He still isn't there? yet at the same time, we know that He's always there looking after us; my Father. we've gotta mature as time time sweeps by, not only in this life, but also in our knowledge of our religion. let's not stay as a kid forever, expecting & wanting. let's grow up & take things into our stride! let's pray, let's believe, let's acknowledge the truth, let's work towards His coming! we've suffered, so has He! hey girl, hang in there! stay strong! cast away whatever forms of condemnation & demoralisation! ta's! training, training here i come, get me done by half-past one! Sunday, November 02, 2008
6:13 AM
Belt of Truth only You will I adore! butt-crack; lizard i need to make great & impactful decisions that will affect my mental, social & intellectual life. racial discrimination seems to be so obvious everywhere, nobody seems to bring it up even when it's smacked into your face. curiosity killed the cat; i'm not a cat, but i'm ready to be killed. i keep thinking i've got no social life. ta's! where art thou? |