this is your nightmare talking

*cue flailing hands & push up bras*

QUIT TALKING, KEEP DRINKING.

Word-vomit another day, when all the king's soldiers & all the king's men mange to put your voice box back together again.

xoxo

The Green Man from OUTER SPACE.

I've been choinging everything today - Chinese paper, personal statements, science worksheets, mathematics. & now we've got Film Cluster! Oh, man. I really hope we get in.

Guess what? (You're supposed to say What? with a smiley face..What :D) I don't need to eat the gazillion pills. In fact, I'm on a nice cough syrup & another pill that looks like a miniature-sized discoloured m&m. It's way better! I don't needa care 'bout the 'Before/After meal' stuff.

Geography & Physics teacher didn't come today. Good time to catch up on my work. I feel so behind. I feel kinda satisfied being mced for PE. It's pretty..enjoyable! Heh. Camwhored super lot today X: I should stop. Find joy in learning & reading books.

Scholarship test's on Saturday & I've gotten myself ggxxed upside-down. I ate ice-cream today & I ate chicken yesterday & I ate a ball of chocolate today. I'M KINDA HAPPY ALREADY :D Yea, & my throat just totally went manly. Not so good. But, I'M HAPPY!

I should. Concentrate on recovering. Before eating.

I should sleep.

tsktsktsk!

ta's!

I porridge & oats & porridge & I'm so sick of it. I'm not training this entire week! Everything's ruined. I hate feeling sick. I can feel my pulse in my swollen throat. I can feel every area of it when I swallow. & it hurts.

My whole system is down. I don't feel happy. I just feel so weak & lethargic, every day. I don't know when it's all gonna end. I was going to post 'bout how happy I was, cos I got to see the Docs & how grateful I am for the existence of medication. But I'm sick of eating pills. I'm sick of having to choose what kinda food I can eat - porridge, oats, porridge, oats.

I feel like crap & I'm miserable!

Standard Deviation is stupid! It's so damn extra. It's trying to make me sad & emo! Stupid.

I don't have my mind set on anything. At all. I don't care about Nationals, I don't care about the weekends. I feel like crap!

& it's so hard to pretend everything's alright. That I'm well & living happily. Cos I'm sick! & it's all inside! I'm coughing like...colgate now. It's just getting worse.

Sometimes it's just super annoying when people just..don't care! About issues that matter. They just chuck it aside like how I chuck math worksheets aside. But it's different! Cos math worksheets are..lame!

My sister's birthday tomorrow.
Oh, great! I'm sick.

ta's!

ELISA'S DOWN WITH FEVER!

WE'RE ALL SLOWLY DYING!

I'm like sicksicksick.

It's so terrible!

Was feeling strangely cold in class yesterday. Very cold. Super cold. & I was totally zoned out. Figured I was sick 2 blocks before school ended (What took me so longgg???) & took a cab back, spent 9 bucks. I tell you ah, I'll never be able to have savings. Something crops up every week.

Spent the entire day sleeping, woke up @ 8pm. Drank water. PUKKEEEEEEED! It stinks, I used to think only people who drank milo & puke would stink. I drank waterr!! Only!

Figured that I was going to die, went to the docs. & I MET LOUISA THERE! Hahahah. So amusing la! She went to collect her mc.

Came back home. Ate the pills. Slept. Woke up halfway to eat more pills & slept.

I had this awesome, amazing, super cool dream last night! My sisters & I went water skiing, something like that. It's the best feeling everrrr!!!

& then I woke up when I crash. WALA! IT WAS 10 :D

I'm kinda wondering why I'm not hungry...my mum's bugging me to have breakfast.

I don't know what to eat -.-

I've been receiving like, super lot of messages asking me to get well & interrogating me as to why I'm not in school. So sweet, right? Hahahaha.

I remember the last time I had a fever. I didn't exactly have that kinda treatment, but I had God. Cos He was the only one who managed to be around at 3 in the morning to take care of me. & my mum too, of course! Haha. I'm thankful. Really.

Missed training yesterday.
Going to miss it again today.
I hope I get wellll! I WANT TO EAT CHICKEN! TOMORROW' FRIED FOOD DAYY ]:

Today's another day of sleeping. Resting. Lol.

ta's!

Dear Stranger,

Hola.

Carousels go round and round.

Cut the vicious cycle, child.

Try counting pocky backwards. Betcha can't do that :D

xoxo

the Other Stranger. Rocks.

You're scissors.

GUESS WHO?!

HAHAHA

xoxo

the Other Stranger

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say

I hate it! I can't seem to commit to anything. I'm committed to nothing! Nothing at all. It sucks. It makes me feel kinda useless over the long run, cos I'd find myself no where. It's always been like that. It sucks.

Sometimes I want a break. But I realised that I always want a break. & every time I take a break, I back slide! It's a constant cycle. It makes everything a waste of time. I won't be progressing, I won't be moving forward.

Went to run. The park's a whole new place in the morning. The waters reflect every detail, such precision. There was this awesome white bird! It was bigg. You could hear the wind as it rushed down towards the water. The way it glided; grace. It's so...it's just so different. I'm drifting away & I'm not sure anymore. I know what I need to do, but I'm so tired. But I will.

God, help me?

Take me back.

ta's!

I think I was pretty mean today. Sometimes you can't help but judge people & with great minds around, you just keep going on! Wow! We should give Annak a break la! Don't so bad. If she wants to join Track then..it's her decision. Don't know if she'll be happy though ._. No, I'm actually a very nice person. Really.

People can be so far away at times. I've survived this week, feeling a little lonely. I'm so tired. Of everything. I managed to stay awake in school today. Sometimes you kinda want someone. Sometimes I don't know how I can help. I found a post in my journal (Yea, I kinda have a journal which I use at very intense emo times). I was miserable 'bout how I couldn't help a friend cos he just got himself GGXXed TTM, going out with his best friend's girlfriend. (SurpriseSurprise.) I like KinderSurprise!! Which idiot does that la.

I remember Youth camp.
I remember you.

ta's!

HuiYu decided to borrow books from the library cos she's bored. She's not as guai as she looks! HEH. & I'm being a very good girl in class, keeping my big mouth shut! I finished reading my book. It's super waste time. But I passed the time pretty well in class. & wapiongz la, the ending isn't nice at all!! One more thing, I EVEN MAKE NOTES FOR MATH! (Yea, like who makes notes for math la.)

Last school training of the week tomorrow. Did I mention, I'm super slow now la. Nats are in 2 months time. Hope I can make it in time /:

All my shoes are grip-less! I need to buy new ones.

I broke 2 clips. I slept on one. The other one gged.

I think anklets are cool!

OHMY! TOMORROW'S FRIDAY! THE WEEK'S ALMOST OVER! MONEYY :D

I think it's rather strange that I'm posting every day.
I still haven't found the Girl yet. Nobody knows who she is la!! FAKE ONE ]:

Sat with Mae, Jas, Eliz during RS today!
Feels...feels good to be yourself. Who I really am. Not trying to be good/bad or soft/loud! Myself. Strange enough, I don't exactly know who I am.

A little bit of everyone, I suppose.

'I didn't go to school today..'
'WHY??'
'Chest pain from yesterday.'
'LOL! BREAST CANCER!'

ta's!

Even if we've got a million years together, it'd never seem enough. Simply because it isn't! My mum always said that the friends we make at this point of our lives are gonna last us forever, & the impressions we leave behind will follow us through. I do feel lost (sometimes) with the whole 'new classmates' thing. Everyone's happy. But what's behind those smiling faces, nobody really knows. There're always holes, gaps that can't be filled by just anyone we meet. I suppose these gaps are for us to (force, lol) fit our friends back in. I love JERMS! Haha, really. I mean, we could laugh over..Elizabeth's spit 24/7 & never get tired of it. That kinda crazy joy is something I haven't felt this year. Our Place that we found was splendid! We swept the place clean with brooms & mops & hand sanitizers & cloths & tissue & got like what, benches & tables & mats & our lantern in! How retarded is that :D & we were all super excited about it. Oh, & our subway man was the best! How we found him after our picnic at CityHall! & all the bitch fights with people who were buisong with us. Jokers. I'm afraid I'd be different. I adapt easily & every year we grow. I grow. Into someone a bit different than how I use to be. Scary, yes? But fear not. Not only do we have annual picnics (How can we meet once a year only? That's so WAPIONGZ! LOL.), we've got dinner & lunch & movies & random sit down anywhere outings & breakfast with Joe && random stand up moments. Yea. I MISS Y'ALL /: But we'll have to make-do with la, how? It's not enough. But we'll figure it out, we always do. & LOOK, I'M NOT SO PAI THIS YEAR :D We aren't so bad. I bet we're secretly emo-ing in silence.

But hey, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, PLEASE [:

Point number 1: Samuel's leaving in an hour's time &..never coming back. Gone for a very long time. Oh, well! I managed to get what I want [: Satisfied.

I'm sore all over today. Everywhere! I'm tired. We didn't exactly do much for training today. A few sprints & weights. I think I didn't cool down properly yesterday ]:

Anyway. TOMORROW'S THURSDAY! That means, SATURDAY'S COMING.

Which means..I get to come home after school tomorrow (Yes, this means so much to me now that I don't get to come home almost everyday!).

Surprisingly, I'm surviving very well & happily on my meager amount of cash & all the fruits & sandwiches. Wow!

I realised that I don't really care 'bout lots of people. I hope to make an effort to care more 'bout them. Lol! But seriously la, I haven't really..Really thought about how it was like to be somebody else. I guess, I'm always pretty happy with myself (other than the fact that I freak out terribly during comps) & I'm satisfied with my group of friends & myself. & we live in this happy world together, called Happy World! Sometimes, I tend to (accidentally) brush people off, sometimes I simply ignore them, hoping that they'll know that they're different! & most of them get kinda upset 'bout it, while I don't give a damn about it. I used to call people Useless, it really made sense. They were useless to me..sucks, right?

Precisely! That's pretty mean, right? Yes! So I'm going to stop..I'm going to be nice :D

I never really noticed how hard people tried to fit in. I mean, it all seems to storybook-ish. & I never really encountered stuff like that before. (Maybe I have, but that was like..I always ended up finding a place somewhere, somehow). I guess I'm kinda sorry..

I wanna be a psychologist when I grow up!

It's not that easy trying to look for a nameless person. I'm gonna find her by this week! Hmph.

Oh. I'm thankful that I've got relatively great friends (suanning is a terrible thing to do..) in class.

I believe that there is a drastic improvement in my attitude & behavior in class compared to last year! No! Really! I'm not bs-ing, lol. I guess, being a good kid makes you feel..smarter ><>

This is terrible. I'm awfully busy stalking people that I don't have time to post.

I guess I'm pretty happy today's over.
I'm so broke & it's only Monday, I'm super sad la /:
I'm gonna live on sandwiches & Carmen's Bar tomorrow.
I've got a few miserable cents left in my wallet.

Must be my hormones.

CANNOT.

I am so pleased.
LET THE STALKING BEGIN :D

Yippee!! Watched Avatar again today (3D) at Lido! Oh, man. I still think it's a very awesome show with amazing animation & digital effects. I want a dragon thingy to fly on too! Hahaha.

Thomas left for Taiwan yesterday (Crap la, I didn't know.) & YingWei's leaving at 3am tomorrow. They'll be back next Sat. I'm so envious! Farfield gets to go to Cambodia, ACSI goes to Taiwan & RG doesn't exactly get to go anywhere, together, as a batch (other than like, OBS?). Lol.

Yesterday's Capping was rather..amusing.
Youth wanted to celebrate Diane's birthday (Yes, it was supposed to be a surprise, lol). Cake & candles were..somewhere, somehow, I don't know where. So they got a marble cake & used sparklers. In a room. So the whole place was filled with smoke, the table was burnt & the cake was filled with charcoal! LOL. Super fail la!

I look forward to going to church every Sunday now. Especially cos I'm missing out on my Saturdays ]:

I think it's funny how first impressions may not always be true. It seems as if someone's totally changed when the truth is that you decided to open your eyes a little wider.

I realised that somehow you can't love the same person twice.

Officially back to school tomorrow.
Training.
Tuition.
By all the stuff for my hamster.
Return my one month late library book (I wonder how much it's gonna cost me, lol.)

Needa sleep early tonight!

ta's!

I don't choose not to believe, just wait & see what tomorrow brings.

Woke up at 11 today! It's good to be back in bed, although I don't exactly feel the difference between the bed & a tent..sleeping is sleeping is good!

I've got tuition. I've got information. I've got more information!

I cross-referenced & they don't tally. Yingwei is fail!

ta's!

Strangely, I'm looking forward to my tuition tomorrow. But I can't! Cos every time I look forward to something it kinda screws up in the end. I must dislike tuition more (in order to have fun). Makes sense, yes?

OBS was..it's not that tough as everyone presumes it to be la! Walk for awhile, sail for awhile & it's..pretty much completed! I got sunburn on my shoulders -.- WOW. So much for sleeveless shirts for 30min.

Hmm, 1st Day was boring my guts out. Super waste time! Can't exactly remember what we did. I know we wasted time!

2nd Day, walked to Camp 1 with our bag packs, did kayak safety drills & rock climbing. Pretty amazing. I wanted so badly to climb to the top cos it looked windy :D But it was very achievable, most of us managed to do that. & I can't capsize for nuts la! I can't climb back up onto the kayak!!!

Day 3 was the start of our 8km+++++ Land Expedition. I thought it was super fun, although it was kinda tiring. Oh, man! Pebble Juggling was kinda stupid (28 people are supposed to throw & catch a pebble with their right hand, at the same time). Super fail. Instructors pmsed! LOL. Everyone buisong. Didn't shower, slept by the beach. SUPER HOT LA!

4th Day: Kayaked from 7.30-12.30pm around Ubin, 16km+ I think? Quite fast! But darn boring, nothing to do, just keep paddling & splashing water into people's faces. Huiyu & I had a rather stupid plan of slacking till we reached the back & chionging right to the front again. Tiring, BUT QUITE FUN LEH :D

Cooked dinner with fresh food. Joke of the day!

We had Baked (pronounces as Bak-d) beans, random soup, curry rice balls, fried rice, salad, fruit desert, omelet & lots of crappy stuff la! HEY! I MADE THE RICE BALLS :DD

'Ey, why your rice ball taste like Colgate one?'
Thanks, mannn!!

5th Day- today. Had performance, zao!

My hair is in a super terrible state.
What I learnt from obs:

1. Don't brush teeth..NEHMIND ONE LA!
2. Don't bath..ALSO NEHMIND ONE LA!

3. Bio-degradable? THROW ANYMORE CAN ALREADY!

4. Eat anything, WON'T DIE ONE!

Oh, man! I'm so black now.

I pooped like 4 times today!
I looked forward so much to my messages upon receiving my phone! I'm so glad.

I'm really much stronger than I think I am.
Really got to know more people in depth.

ta's!

Who you are; that's all I wanna see, that's all that really matters.

Let's see what been happening.
I can only train with coach on Tuesday this week!

We did skipping yesterday. Seriously. It's painful. All that self-inflicted harm!

School. Class is soo quiet. Even my low volumed whispers can be heard. Eyeballs are always dry & closing. Teachers stream in one after another, hour after hour, constantly rattling on about the same thing; Expectations & What Not. Some of them jump, some of them point. Some of them have moles & some of them are small.

You know. It's really hard to connect with people who have hurt, belittled & mocked you before. Even if they're supposedly Different this time. Although you're willing to step out & offer your hand, something just pulls you back & makes you give that person a slap. Or something.

Tumblr has an awful spam of cheesy Love stuff, I'm so sick of looking at them.

I think I'm rather slow, but I just learnt how to print screen! WOAHHH.

I need to buy more hamster bedding & food before I head to OBS.

I figured today.

I have a choice as to who I wanna be with & that's gonna influence me & my attitude, big time! Used to think that it really doesn't matter what people think, but I pissed too many people off. Pretty risky, yes? & I ended up getting not-so-great grades, eyeball-rolling teachers & pissy classmates. Not that great an ending.

Well, if I choose to be different from how I was. I wouldn't exactly be myself & I'll get lost. & I won't have fun. But I'll be good!

I don't really know which island to swim to. I'm gonna drown soon.

Sometimes I worry too much 'bout people that I can't find time to get back to myself.

My mum's afraid that something might happen to me. Now I'm worrying!

ta's!